When we think about getting children ready for school, it’s easy to think about what they can do on their own. Can they write their name? Pack their bag? Follow a set of instructions? For older children, the questions might be about keeping track of homework or getting to the right classroom on time.
There’s another set of questions I’d love us to start asking. Does your child know what helps them learn? Do they know who they can go to when something feels hard? And do they have a way to tell us when the support we’ve put in place isn’t working?
These questions matter whether your child is starting school, moving to high school or getting ready for a new teacher. They help us prepare children for the moments that come up in an ordinary school day: losing track of what to do next, feeling overwhelmed at lunch or needing to ask for help in front of other people.
Help your child notice what works for them
For younger children, student voice can begin with a conversation at home. You could ask:
What helps you listen or concentrate?
What makes it harder to get started?
How do you like a teacher to help you?
Is there anything you wish your teacher knew about you?
You might get a more useful answer if you ask about a specific moment. “What helps you know what to do when the teacher gives everyone instructions?” is easier to answer than “What helps you learn?” Some children might prefer to draw, point to a picture or choose between a couple of examples.
A child might tell you, “I like it when she shows me one first,” or, “I don’t like it when someone helps me in front of everyone.” Those details can shape how a teacher models a task or checks in discreetly. Ask your child which parts they’d like you to share and whether they’d like to help you decide how to say it.
Practise what to do when they get stuck
Executive functioning skills help us do things like get started, remember instructions, organise belongings and shift from one activity to another. Those tasks can take more effort when the setting and routines are unfamiliar.
Choose one situation your child is likely to encounter and practise a manageable next step together. If they tend to lose track of spoken instructions, you might practise asking, “Can you show me the first step?” If they’re worried about managing several classrooms, you could look at a sample timetable together and work out how they’ll find the next room.
The same applies to emotional skills. When your child is calm, talk about what they might notice when things start to feel too much and what could help at that point. Some children can say, “I need a break.” Others might find it easier to use a card, give an agreed signal or respond when a familiar adult checks in.
Practising how to ask for help is useful when there’s a plan for how adults will respond. Let the school know what your child can use, and ask how staff will offer support if your child can’t ask in the moment.
Give them a way to tell you when something isn’t working
Self-advocacy might look like a child telling you at home, “I don’t use my break card because everyone can see it.” That’s valuable feedback. It tells you why a support that sounded helpful on paper might need to change.
You could ask, “Was there a moment today when you needed help and couldn’t get it?” If your child tells you something difficult, start by listening. Then you might ask, “Would you like me to help you work out what to say, or would you like me to speak to the school with you?”
Sometimes your child’s role is simply to tell you what happened. You can take it from there.
Make room for their voice in school conversations
Older children may want to join part of a transition meeting, explain an adjustment that works or ask a question about next year. They could also write something beforehand or ask you to speak on their behalf. Talk through what will be discussed and agree on how they’d like to contribute.
If your child is in the room, speak with them. Keep the conversation grounded in their strengths, interests and what helps them participate. Be specific about difficulties without using labels like “lazy”, “defiant” or “attention-seeking”. If a sensitive incident or concern needs a fuller discussion, arrange a separate time for the adults to talk it through respectfully.
A strengths-based conversation helps educators get to know the whole child. “She has great ideas and explains them clearly when she can talk them through first” tells a new teacher something useful about both her strengths and how to help her get started with writing.
This week, try asking this one question to your child: “What’s one thing you’d like your next teacher to know about how you learn?” Give your child time to answer, then decide together what to do with what they tell you.
If you’d like help working out how to include your child’s perspective in their transition planning, you can book a free Connection Call.
